How to Avoid Including your Divorce in the Holidays

The Holiday season is usually a difficult and stressful time for many families.  Everyone trying to make plans and trying to see grandparents and other family members.  It can be especially difficult for divorce families. After a divorce the issues often become even more stressful.

One thing that parents need to remember is that they decided on the divorce the children did not.  I often hear arguments about parents want their time or wanting to continue their family's holiday traditions.  However, they often ignore what the children want to do.

Many times a divorce may be finalized, but the parents are not done fighting with each other.  Therefore, the use the Holidays as a reason to continue to argue or try to hurt each other.  What they forget is they are really hurting their children more than each other.

Based on dealing with families who are divorced, I would make the following recommendations to parents.  First, parents need to remember that Holidays are more about the children and family not their divorce.  Next they need to develop a plan together regarding the Holidays.  The first step is for the parents to talk together about what the children seem to enjoy the most about each Holiday.  Also parents should also ask the children what they enjoy most about the Holidays.

After you have this information then sit down civilly and see how you can allow the children to do what they enjoy most about the Holidays.  Another thing to remember is the children should not be forced to choose between Mom and Dad.  Come up with a plan where the children have equal time with both parents.  Also they should have equal time with grandparents, cousins and other Extended family from Mom and Dad's side. 

The other thing is don't turn the Holidays into a competition.  Gifts should not be used to influence the children.  You should discuss with each other what your children want and what you plan to get the children.  When you were married you discussed what to get them so even after the divorce you can coparent and discuss what is realistic and what is not.

Finally, remember the Holidays are a time to get together as a family and enjoy each other.  Therefore, for the sake of your children put your divorce aside and decide how this can be a happy family time for everyone. If you can do things together, that would be the ideal situation. If you can't then being kind to each other and making the Holiday season fun for the children is the goal for you as parents.  Stated another way, the children should still feel like they have one family during the Holidays not two.  Maybe things are being done a little differently because of the divorce but they still have a mother and father.

If you achieve this goal, it will make you feel better too.  A divorce should not wreck your lives.  Obviously, your lives will change after a divorce but you can still be a family.

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience as a psychotherapist working with children/teenagers and families. For more information about Dr. Rubino's work or private practice visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3. 

The Holidays and Finals, A Stressful Time for Teens

The end of the Fall semester is around the corner and it is a time of year that students panic because it's Finals time.  Your teenagers are probably very stressed or getting stressed. There is a lot going on right now.  Seniors are trying to complete college applications, seniors and juniors are worried about grades because these grades will impact which colleges they can go to.  In addition, there is time off for Thanksgiving and Christmas so many teenagers are focusing on spending time with their friends.  However, they also need to allow for time with their families too. 

As I stated besides finals, teenagers are having to balance between friends and family.  In addition to spending time with friends there are the parties that occur over Thanksgiving and Christmas break.  Besides having to balance time between family and friends, they still have to keep the homework current and study for finals or complete semester projects.

In many classes the final may be worth fifty percent of the students grade.  The final grade in a class is very important.  This grade will be part of their overall GPA which can affect what colleges Juniors can apply to and their ability to get scholarships.  Also for seniors these are the grades colleges will be using to determine who they accept or reject.  Seniors know they need a decent Fall semester GPA to have a chance of being accepted by a college.

As you can see there is a great deal of pressure on high school students during this time of year.  Also since the competition to get into colleges has increased and the competition for scholarships have increased so has the stress on high school students.

Many students will do what ever they need to in order to survive this time of year.  This includes using alcohol or weed to help them relax or sleep.  They will also take friends ADHD medication, use cocaine, or start taking caffeine pills or start drinking a great deal of coffee or energy drinks so they can stay awake and study.  They don't realize how much caffeine those energized drinks contain.  Also the combination of weed to sleep and caffeine to stay awake can cause mood changes, psychosis and even death.

Most teens want to do things on there on so they will tell you everything is fine and they have it covered.  They think it is fine because of the substances they are using.  Remember a teenagers prefrontal lobes are not fully developed yet.  Therefore, they only focus on the here and now and not on the future.  They also do not always think about the long term consequences about some of the things they are using.

If your teenager is getting anger very easily or crying easily this is a sign that something is going on. If you notice a change in their eating habits such as going from eating a lot to eating nothing, this is another sign.  Also if you notice a change in their sleep pattern such as awake all night and falling asleep at odd times this is also a sign.

What do you do if you notice anything that is making you worry, you should sit down and talk to your teenager. Explain you know there is a lot of stress right now and point out the changes you have noticed and what you are concerned about.  Reinforce you are not having this conversation because you are mad or they are in trouble, you are having this conversation because you love them. If they are using things or doing things because they think it will help them study, let them know you are there to help.  Explain some of the dangers associated with what they are doing. Remind them no grade is worth their life.

One thing you may want to do, is say to your teenager you know the end of the semester is a stressful time.  Ask them if they need any help studying or help organizing their time.  Let them know if there is any way you can help, you are there to help.  Remind them, all they need to do is ask you for help and you will help.

Hopefully they will listen to you and confide in you. If they continue to deny everything, then go to any local pharmacy and buy a drug testing kit.  Explain you are only doing this for their safety and they are not in trouble.  They may be afraid or embarrassed to tell you. They may feel like a failure in your eyes.  As their parent they really need your love and support right now not a lecture.  Again remember when you were in high school and how difficult it was to tell your parents certain things.  Good luck.

Dr. Michael Rubino specializes in working with teens and has over 20 years experience and his work is nationally recognized.  To find out more about Dr. Michael Rubino visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at Facebook.com/Drrubino3  

Avoiding Stress and Arguments on Thanksgiving

The Holiday Season is coming up fast and for many people instead of a happy time it is a very stressful time that they wish they could avoid. The Holidays can bring up family issues that have not been resolved and these issues can make everyone uncomfortable.  They are like the elephant in the living room that no one discusses.  Another issue is that everyone is trying so hard to make the day prefect that it becomes a stressful day and no one enjoys the day.

Thanksgiving is coming up first so let's deal with that day. 

Thanksgiving dinner with multiple family members can create chaos and stress. Having a Thanksgiving plan can reduce anxiety, decrease the likelihood of arguments and increase the likelihood that everyone has a happy and enjoyable Thanksgiving that they were expecting.

Lori Lite who writes about stress uses the acronym G-R-A-T-E-F-U-L as her Thanksgiving stress guide. It helps her and others get through the day in a peaceful manner. Each letter reminds you of something to do or a way to view the day so you do not get upset.

So here is how to use Gratitude as your Thanksgiving Stress Reliever.

G- Gratitude is the opposite of stress. It is difficult to feel stressed out when we are feeling gratitude.

R- Relax your expectations and let the day unfold. You might be surprised by the outcome.

A- Acceptance is the opposite of judgment. If we accept our family member for who they are and what they are capable of we can relax and enjoy ourselves.

T- Teens can be a part of Thanksgiving. Ask them what they would like to bring to the table. Let them bring it.

E- Empower children and let them help with age appropriate assignments. Putting the nuts out or making the centerpiece. Let them do it their way…not your way.

F– Focus on family for this day. Put all work and worries on the shelf

U– Unplug the electronics for dinner so that everyone can be fully present.

L- Love is often overlooked when we are busy. Cook with love… Speak with love… Show your love and gratitude for your family on this Thanksgiving Day.

Since the day can be stressful, it can lead to anger and arguments.  Another acronym you can use to help with stress and anger is H-A-L-T.  Here is what Halt stands for:

H - Hunger, if someone feels hungry they are more likely to become stressed or angry.

A - Anger, if someone is already angry, they can easily become stressed or have their anger increased by some small event because they are already agitated.

L - Lonely, if someone is feeling ignored or left out of the group, this lonely feeling can turn into anger or stress.

T - Tired, if someone is tired, their defenses are down and they can become agitated or angry very easily.

If you remember HALT and monitor yourself for these feelings or if you notice these feelings in someone else, you can try to do something for yourself or someone else to change the situation creating this feeling and hopefully avoid an angry incident.

This might seem very simple and obvious, but at times the best solutions are rather simple.  Also you may want to practice using these acronyms in your daily life. It may seem simple, however it may be harder than you think because you are accustomed to doing things and viewing life in a certain way. This idea may challenge you to reassess how you approach life in general.  Therefore, these acronyms may be helpful in your daily life.

Many of us are not use to looking at our lives in terms of what we have to be grateful for.  Also many of us have a hard time relaxing and not worrying about work or other things occurring in our lives. I have found that just being in the moment is difficult for most people. Most of us believe we always have to be doing something. This can create stress and disappointment because we miss important family time. Finally, since we feel we must always be doing something, disconnecting from cellphones and other electronics can be very difficult for many people. However, think about it? How can you have fun and enjoy the day with your family, if your mind is not fully present? You can't. Furthermore, this can create tension for others because they feel ignored and for you because you feel they don't respect how important what you are doing at the moment is to you. As a result, you have stress which can turn into an argument and everyone is upset. A day we planed as a happy day can become a day of anger and disappointment easily.

Therefore, in order to avoid this possibility try using the acronyms GRATEFUL and HALT following the guidelines for the day.  What do you have to lose?

Dr. Michael Rubino specializes in working with children, teenagers and their families. He has over 20 years experience. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or visit his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/drrubino3.

Suicide and the Holidays

The Holiday Season is just around the corner.  Many people assume the Holidays and depression go together.  In addition to assuming the Holidays and depression go together, people assume that suicide rates increase during this time of year.  Well according to the statistics from the CDC, suicide rates actually drop during the Holiday Season.  The study by the CDC is not sure why they drop but they do.  May be they drop because during this time of year we pay more attention to depression and suicide.  There are a number of ads and social media posts where people can call if they feel suicidal.

What the CDC did find is that loneliness increases during this time of year.  During the Holidays there are songs and plenty of television shows regarding getting together with family and friends.  You also have people talking about all the Christmas parties that they have to go to.  However, this is not the case for everyone.

If you are a military family, a loved one may be stationed overseas and won't be home for Christmas.  Also during the year some close friends or loved ones may have died during the year.  It is during this time when most people are talking about family and friends that you remember the people you have lost over the year.  The first Holiday Season without a close loved one or friend can be very difficult.  You may not feeling like celebrating or you may have to change Holiday traditions which can make some one feel sad and lonely.

Another common difficulty during this time of year is money.  Many people feel like they need to spend a great deal of money to show love.  They may just be able to pay their monthly bills and cannot afford Holiday gifts.  Why do we need to spend money to show that we care?  What if you write a letter to someone telling them how important they are to you and how much you appreciate them.  Isn't that the real purpose of the Holiday Season?  Isn't this the time of year we take to tell people in our lives how much we appreciate them.  Also it's an opportunity to tell people we tend to ignore, people sleeping on the street or who are dealing with mental illness that they are important too?

As a psychotherapist, I have seen that people dealing with mental illness feel lonely and out of place during this time of year.  They don't often feel the joy of the season.  Sometimes they struggle just to make it through the day.  Also mental illness is something we don't discuss as a society. We tend to act like it doesn't exist so we ignore the issue.  Also since it is an uncomfortable issue for many people the feelings of shame and embarrassment become associated with mental illness.  This makes it less likely for people dealing with it or families who have a family member dealing with it to talk about it or seek help.  This can make people feel lonely and isolated especially during this time of year.

We seldom acknowledge the daily struggle that people and families dealing with mental illness go through on a daily basis.  It is important to acknowledge that mental illness is not a weakness it is a medical condition.  There is no reason to look down on someone with mental illness.  We offer encouragement and support to people with cancer, why can't we do the same for people with mental illness?

I have included a link to a video where a teenager discusses dealing with depression https://youtu.be/dAzqGcOLXBs.  Listen to what he has to say and answer the question, does he deserve to be looked down upon because he is depressed?

Also remember the Holidays can be a lonely time for people.  So if you see someone who looks like they are having a hard time or know someone who is struggling during this season, try to help.  Do something kind for them.  Another thing to remember, being kind to people should be a year round activity for all of us.  We should not just be kind during the Holidays.  If we try to be kind all year, we may be able to decrease how many people feel lonely and depressed.  Also if we are kind and offering support year round may be we can eliminate the negative stereotype associated with mental health.

Dr. Michael Rubino specializes in treating depression and suicide especially depressed and suicidal children and teenagers.  For more information about Dr. Rubino visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3     

My Teenager’s Room is A Disaster, What Do I Do?

An issue that comes up daily with teenagers in psychotherapy is their bedroom.  Many parents tell me that their teenager’s bedroom is like a junk yard.  Parents are embarrassed by the bedroom and feel the teenager is being disrespectful.  Many parents ask me should they demand that their teenager clean their bedroom.  Also many parents ask about is it appropriate if they search their teenager’s bedroom.  Let’s deal with this one issue at a time.

Parents it is very important to remember to pick and choose your battles.  There are a lot of issues you will need to discuss with your teenager.  Therefore, it is important to ask, is it worth an argument?  Teenagers are at a point in their life where they do need their privacy.  They are also at a point where they are trying to find their own identity.  Their bedroom is a place they use for part of this process.  Also you want your teenager to learn responsibility.  Their room is something they can be responsible for.

My recommendation is not to make an issue of their bedroom.  You have more important issues such as school, how late your teen wants to stay out, where they want to go and the common issues of alcohol, drugs and sexual activity.  Therefore, their bedroom really is a minor issue.  In my opinion it is not worth the fight.  Arguing about their bedroom, which they view as their private space, can lead to bigger problems with some of the other issues I listed above.  Also remember these are only some of the issues you will need to set guidelines and expectations about your teenager’s behavior.  This is why I strongly recommend leaving the bedroom alone.

Many parents ask me, “then I should just let them live in a junk yard?”  The answer is yes. However, there are some guidelines I do set with teenagers.  I tell them that Mom and Dad are not going to clean their room as long as they comply with the following guidelines:

1. The bedroom door must be able to be closed so no one else has to look at the mess.
2. People can walk by the room without smelling anything such as rotting food.
3. There are no ants or bugs going into or coming out of the room.
4. They do not keep dishes in their room so Mom has dishes when she needs them.
5. They are responsible for getting their clothes out of the room and cleaned.  They are also            responsible for putting away their laundry.

If they do not follow these guidelines, then they are giving Mom and Dad permission to go in and clean the room as they see fit.  I ask the teenager and parents to both agree to these guidelines.  I also recommend writing down the guidelines.  Therefore, two months from now if someone remembers the agreement differently, you have a document you can refer back to which states what everyone agreed to.

Therefore, I recommend to parents if their teenager can agree to these guidelines, let them live in a junkyard.  If they forget to get their clothes to the washer then they will be the one wearing dirty clothes.  This is helping them to learn responsibility.  It also gives them a sense of independence which they need.

I remind teenagers, if you do not want Mom and Dad cleaning their room then they need to abide by the guidelines.  I also remind them it is their responsibility to get their clothes to the washer.  If they don’t then they will be wearing dirty clothes to school.  I also remind them that they cannot stay home from school because they do not have any clean clothes.  I am basically telling the teenager that their parents and I feel they are responsible enough to take care of their room.  This again helps the teen feel more mature and understand that they have to start assuming more responsibility for theirselves.

Now for the next issue, searching your teenager’s room.  I do not think it is something parents should do on a regular basis just because their child is a teenager.  As parents you have a responsibility to make sure you are raising a responsible young adult and if they need help, you have an obligation to provide them with the help they need.  Therefore, if you have valid reasons to believe your teenager is using drugs or alcohol on a regular basis, then yes search the room.  A valid reason would be noticing the smell of marijuana on their clothes or coming from their room.  Finding marijuana or alcohol bottles in their backpack or car that they use.  Other signs could be changes in their behavior and grades that are associated with drug use.  However, before searching the room, I would recommend when your child enters middle school that you discuss with your child about the conditions which would make you search their room.  If you feel it is necessary, tell your teen that you will be searching their room.  Obviously, you do not tell them a week a head of time so they can hide things.  I suggest you calmly inform them when they are home that you will be starting to search their room in a few minutes.  It is important you explain the reasons why you are searching their room.

Parents may be concerned about an argument.  This may start an argument, but this argument is worth it.  Remind your teen about the agreement the two of you had made about searching their room.  If you feel your teenager is not mature enough to abide by the agreement and is likely to start a physical fight, then you do not tell them and search it when they are out of the house.  Remember you are only searching the room if you feel your teen is having a serious problem and need professional help.  As a parent, it is your responsibility to get them help when they need it.  You will want to remember this fact because your teenager may be very angry with you.  However, it is better to have an angry teenager than a dead teenager.  Many of the drugs teens are using today can kill someone very quickly and teenagers are not usually aware of all the risks.

Therefore, in general respect the privacy of your teenager’s bedroom, however, if you notice signs that indicate your teen is having difficulties then search the room.

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience as a psychotherapist who teats teenagers and children.  For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino 3.

Yes Your IEP is Valid at Your College

Working with children and adolescents I have had many parents ask about 504 plans and Individual Educational Plans (IEP).  Parents tend to focus on the assistance their child may need in elementary or high school due to a learning disability or mental health issues.  From my 20 years experience as a psychotherapist, what I have seen is that if a child need assistance in elementary and high school, they typically need assistance in college. 

From my experience, most families assume there is no assistance in college.  However, typically if a child has an IEP, they are also entitled to assistance in college.  Most colleges in their Counseling departments have programs designed to help disabled students.  A student with a physical or learning disability or mental health issue such as ADHD or depression would qualify for assistance by the Disabled Students Program at a college.  I have recently been receiving many questions from Parents about what happens to their child’s IEP when the go to college and questions from parents who have college freshmen asking about their child’s IEP.  Therefore, I thought it would be beneficial to provide information about how IEPs are handled by colleges.  This was in a previous article, but it appears this information is needed again.

First, if you live in California and you have a physical or learning disability or a mental health issue and had an IEP while in school, you may qualify to be a client of the California Department of Rehabilitation.  This Department is responsible for assisting people in California  ,with a disability, find a job and get the education they may need to find a job.  The Department may assist their clients by providing tuition assistance for community or state colleges and provide financial assistance to buy text books and school supplies.  What they are able to do depends on the State budget.

This is another reason for parents to insist when their child does need an IEP that the school district places the child on an IEP.  The lies schools tell parents that an IEP will prevent their child from getting into a college, the military or getting a job is not true.  Another reason to insist on the IEP, if your child qualifies for an IEP, is because your child can be granted accommodations on the SAT or ACT that students need to take when they apply for college.  I have had many teens with ADHD come to me seeking accommodations on the SAT or ACT.  A common requirement that the testing boards require is that a student needs to have had an IEP if they are seeking accommodations on these tests.

Therefore, many students who have disabilities or mental health issues can receive assistance in college.  While many people may be surprised, it is true.  However, for many college students finding the assistance can be confusing and overwhelming. For a Freshman in college dealing with heath or mental health issues the confusion and embarrassment people deal with because of society stereotypes can cause students to give up.  However, I was contacted by bettercollege.com with a resource guide they developed for college students with mental health issues.  While their guide was created for students with mental health issues, it can also be used as a guide for students with physical or learning disabilities.

Since I feel this is a valuable guide to Freshman students and their families, I am including a link to this resource guide below:

Guide to College Planning for Psychiatrically Impaired Students - https://www.bestcolleges.com/resources/college-planning-with-psychiatric-disabilities/

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience working with children, teenagers and college students.  For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work and private practice visit one of his web sites www.RubinoCounseling.com or www.rcs-ca.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.     

Parenting a Teenager who is Oppositional

I work with many children and teenagers who have oppositional behavior and many who are diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Behavior.  The parents of these children have a common struggle.  The struggle is a struggle for control and how much they should try to control their child.  This is a difficult issue because our society doesn’t discuss this issue and tends to blame the parents for their child’s behavior.  James Lehman, MSW, has researched this issue and has come to the same conclusion.  He uses similar techniques and I have included some of his information too. In order to understand this issue, let’s explore it.

Pressure from Society

Let’s face it, our society puts two competing messages out there. On the one hand, there’s a high value placed on individuality and standing out from the crowd. Yet on the other hand, when our young people do make choices that aren’t consistent with the norm, there’s often a backlash and pressure to conform. And when a child or teen refuses to conform, the pressure is put on parents to make the child follow the path others believe is the right one.

Fear

Parents at times are terrified of what will happen if they don’t control their kids. What if she makes bad decisions? What will happen to my child? Will she survive?

But think back to your own childhood. We all had to learn some life lessons along the way. Some made us stronger. Some left scars. But we learned and we survived.

But for some reason, we believe our kids will surely meet with disaster. We picture our child heading a hundred miles an hour down the wrong road (one that’s a dead end ) and we’re standing in front of her, terrified and trying to save her from herself.

To Win the Tug-of-War

Sometimes we find ourselves in a dispute with our child and, before we know it, we’re in a full-blown battle of wills. And we become determined to win.

It’s not something we recognize consciously, but underneath our own actions is the belief that to let go of control is to give in to our child. We continue to act in an effort to gain control over our child’s behavior. And he becomes just as determined to keep that control.

Who’s going to win in the end? No one. But our child will have the ultimate control over his behavior. Why? Because he physically has control over his own body, his own actions, and his own thoughts.

It’s Human Nature

Take a day and pay attention to the idea of control as it relates to yourself and those around you. Listen to conversations. How often do you advise people on what they should do? How frequently do others share their suggestions on what you should do? How often do we hear this in the media? Do this. Don’t do that. It’s everywhere.

Most of us know an Aunt Edna who just loves to tell people how things should be. It’s human nature to try and direct things. Often we truly believe we know what’s best for that other person and maybe we do. But maybe we don’t.

Parents often believe it’s our role—indeed, our responsibility—to control our children. But, unless you use physical force, it’s impossible to control another human being unless they allow you to do so.

You can threaten, bribe, reward, beg, guilt and shame that other person into doing what you believe is best. However, the only way to influence another person’s behavior is if they allow you to influence it. It doesn’t matter whether they’re eight, eighteen or eighty years old.

Giving Up the Need to Control Doesn’t Mean You’re Giving In

In reality, once we let go of trying to control our child’s behavior and choices, we actually gain much more power. Fighting every day with someone whose main purpose is to avoid being controlled will leave you feeling exhausted, angry, frustrated, embarrassed and ashamed.

In contrast, putting energy into what you can control leaves you feeling empowered, confident and stronger. Believe it or not, there’s actually more you can control than can’t. If you feel out of control, you’re probably trying to control the wrong things!

It’s our job as parents to provide an environment that allows our child to learn lessons that will prepare him for the world. To prepare him not only to survive, but to thrive. Everything we do as parents comes back to this guiding principle.

We control providing food, clothing, and shelter to our child. We control whether or not we show our child how to cope and deal with conflict, adversity, and life’s challenges. And we control whether or not we allow him to experience consequences for the choices he makes. However, whether or not that child chooses to learn from those life lessons to is ultimately up to him.

5 Things You Can and Can’t Control as a Parent

1. Expectations

You can control whether or not your child knows what your expectations are.

“Johnny, my expectation is that you will handle your anger without physical violence.”

2. Opportunities

You can control whether or not you give your child the opportunity to meet expectations.

“Johnny, if you find you’re getting angry, it’s okay to walk away, go listen to music, talk to your friend on the phone to blow off steam, whatever will help you release some of that anger and we can talk again later.”

3. Consequences

You can control whether or not your child knows what the potential consequences will be if he chooses not to meet your expectation.

“Johnny, you’re fifteen years old. If you hit me when you’re angry, that’s domestic violence. If it happens again, I will call the police. I would hate to see that happen, so I hope you choose to handle your anger without getting physical.”

4. Your Own Behavior

You can control your own behavior. When you get angry, you can model for your child how to cope effectively without using physical violence. You can walk away or practice other effective coping skills when you get angry yourself.

5. Your Child’s Behavior

You can NOT control your child’s behavior. You can’t control whether or not he behaves in a physically aggressive way when he’s angry. Your power does not lie in the arguing, defending, and power struggles that tend to go hand-in-hand with attempts to control an ODD child.

Instead, your power lies in what you can control—your own behavior. Just as you can’t control your child, he can’t control you either. Some days it may feel like he can. But he can’t.

Easier Said Than Done

We know some people will read this article and think, “Parents should control their children.” It’s tempting to judge parents of ODD children on what they should and shouldn’t do.

But until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, it’s difficult to know the pain and shame that comes from parenting a child who simply will not be controlled.

For ODD children, being controlled feels as if they’re drowning. They will fight tooth and nail to keep control, arguing and outright refusing to comply with an authority figure’s directives.

We can spend time as a society judging that child and talking about how they ought to behave. Or we can accept that our world has always had rebels—those who will take the path less traveled, even if it’s a path filled with bumps and potholes. And we can support the parents of those individuals in their own journey, without blame or shame.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers.  He does specialize in treating children and teens who have ODD and ADHD.  For more information regarding his work or private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.