What Teenagers will do for love

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and many people are focusing on love and relationships.  Many people are familiar with this line, “you complete me,” from the movie, Jerry McGuire, starring Tom Cruise.  A deaf couple signs this message to each other in an elevator and Tom Cruise's character assumes they must really be in love.  However, this may not be the reality. In reality it may be an unhealthy relationship.

As a psychotherapist with 20 years experience treating couples and teenagers, I have observed a common mistake that many people make regarding relationships and love.  Many people tell me they feel an emptiness inside themselves and describe it as a "big empty hole."  They assume that a relationship will fill this emptiness.  In other words, they are relying on their partner to eliminate the empty feeling they are experiencing.

This is a mistake.  The only person that can fill that emptiness you feel is you.  When I work with couples or an individual who is experiencing this emptiness, they usually are upset with their partner.  They are upset because their partner is not filling the emptiness.  Also the other partner is frustrated because they are tired of having to constantly reassure their partner.  They report they are tired of always having to worry about meeting their partner needs and that their needs are constantly being pushed aside.

This type of pattern is very common in relationships where there is domestic violence or a substance abuse problem.  Also jealousy is a major issue in these relationships.  The person who is experiencing the emptiness is very sensitive to feeling rejected or abandoned.  This is usually a result from childhood issues that have never been addressed.  However, as an adult, if they sense these feelings in their relationship they tend to over react to them.  The person may drink excessively to reduce their fears and men often result to verbal or physical abuse.  Anything that will keep their partner in the relationship and continue to fill the empty space.

This tends to occur because as we grow up there is a great deal of pressure for people to be in relationships.  You see this in children in first grade or kindergarten when adults jokingly ask children if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend.  If a child doesn't they often feel there is something wrong with them.

I see this issue a lot with teenagers.  I have teenagers who feel they are defective because they never had a girlfriend or boyfriend.  This defective feeling increases significantly, if the teenager never has been on a date.  They believe if they are going to be a “normal” teenager, they must at least be dating.  Boys tend to believe they must be sexually active too.  I have had teenagers tell me they felt suicidal or were using drugs because they did not have a girlfriend or boyfriend.  They are willing to risk their lives using drugs or believe they are better off dead, if they don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend.  They are so tied up trying to live the stereotype, they can’t believe that many teenagers do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend and do not date in High School.

This pattern continues into adulthood.  Many women feel defective if they are 30 years old and not married.  Men feel as if they are not men if they do not have a girlfriend.  Both men and women often settle for anyone as long as they can say they are in a relationship.

As children, we never learn how to love and care for ourselves.  Ask someone if they would go out to dinner by themselves and most people look terrified by the idea.  They have no idea what they would do and they are afraid about what other people with think.  This is a sad state that we cannot love ourselves.  If we always need someone to reinforce we are lovable, we turn our power over to strangers.  If someone says something nice about us we feel good, if they say something hurtful, we feel unworthy as a person.  But, why should someone else determine our value?  We should be the one who judges if we are lovable or not.  A relationship should add to our life like a bottle of wine adds to a meal. A relationship should not define us as a person.

As a result of this problem, many couples end up divorcing because a partner is tired of having to reassure their spouse daily.  I have seen these divorces become very nasty and costly.  So both parties are hurt even more and so are the children.  They only people benefiting are the attorneys.

We also have this same issue with teenagers.  However, when they break up it tends to be more dramatic.  A teenager may start to use drugs, develop an eating disorder, start cutting, become depressed and may attempt suicide.  The behaviors are not uncommon after teenagers break up.

We see this acting out behavior more in teenagers and children.  Teenagers and children are desperate to feel that they are loved by their parents especially.  If they don’t feel they are loved, there is a tendency to act out.  Disney’s movie, Frozen, has a segment where the trolls explain that if someone doesn’t feel loved they may act out in pain or make poor decisions in an attempt to find love.  Oprah, during her last show, had a very good way of expressing this need.  She stated, “everyone wants to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you.”  The program Challenge Day, which Oprah recommends, states what teens are looking for this way: every teenager wants to feel safe, loved and celebrated.  I see it every day, when teens don’t feel loved, they act out.  Negative attention is better than no attention.  

How do we handle this issue? We need to start to acknowledge as a society that a relationship doesn't make you a complete person.  Only you can make yourself feel complete as a person.  Also we need to remove the stigma of seeking mental health care.  We need to encourage adults who feel incomplete without a relationship to seek psychotherapy and deal with their issues.  Parents, if you notice that your teenager is desperate to be in a relationship, help them get psychotherapy so they can deal with the pain they are feeling.  Remember this emptiness feeling typically begins in childhood.  Therefore, if we show children and teens that they are loved or get them help when they are acting out, we can prevent them from dealing with this emptiness for years.

Again, please remember a relationship should add to your life, it should not make you a person or define you as a person.

Dr. Michael Rubino has 20 years experience working with families and teenagers.  If you would like more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3. 

Taking an IEP to College

Working with children and adolescents I have had many parents ask about 504 plans and Individual Educational Plans (IEP).  Parents tend to focus on the assistance their child may need in elementary or high school due to a learning disability or mental health issues.  Over 20 years as a psychotherapist, what I have observed is that children who need assistance in elementary and high school typically need assistance in college. Since we are coming to the end of the school year and as seniors in high school prepare for graduation and decide on plans for college, IEPs need to be addressed with colleges that students will be attending.

From my experience, most families assume there is no assistance in college.  However, typically if a child has an IEP, they are also entitled to assistance in college.  Most colleges in their Counseling departments have programs designed to help disabled students.  A student with a physical or learning disability or mental health issue such as ADHD or depression would qualify for assistance by the Disabled Students Program at a college.  I have recently been receiving many questions from Parents about what happens to their child’s IEP when the go to college and questions from parents who have college freshmen asking about their child’s IEP.  Therefore, I thought it would be beneficial to provide information about how IEPs are handled by colleges.  In addition to an IEP, any student with a learning disability or mental health issue is entitled to accommodations because they are covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1991.

Additionally, if you live in California and you have a physical or learning disability or a mental health issue and if you had or did not have an IEP while in school, you may qualify to be a client of the California Department of Rehabilitation.  This Department is responsible for assisting people in California, with a disability, find a job and get the education they may need to find a job.  The Department may assist their clients by providing tuition assistance for community or state colleges and provide financial assistance to buy text books and school supplies.  What they are able to do depends on the State budget.

This is another reason for parents to insist when their child does need an IEP that the school district places the child on an IEP.  The lies schools tell parents that an IEP will prevent their child from getting into a college, the military or getting a job is not true.  Another reason to insist on the IEP, if your child qualifies for an IEP, as a result of having an IEP, your child can be granted accommodations on the SAT or ACT.  These are tests seniors typically need to take when they are applying to four year universities.  The common accommodation most students require is additional time to complete the tests.  I have had many teens with ADHD come to me seeking accommodations on the SAT or ACT.  A common requirement that the testing boards require is that a student needs to have had an IEP if they are seeking accommodations on these tests.

Therefore, many students who have disabilities or mental health issues can receive assistance in college.  While many people may be surprised, it is true.  However, for many college students finding the assistance can be confusing and overwhelming. For a Freshman in college dealing with heath or mental health issues the confusion and embarrassment people deal with because of society stereotypes can cause students to give up.  However, I was contacted by bettercollege.com with a resource guide they developed for college students with mental health issues.  While their guide was created for students with mental health issues, it can also be used as a guide for students with physical or learning disabilities.

Since I feel this is a valuable guide to Freshman students and their families, I am including a link to this resource guide below:

Guide to College Planning for Psychiatrically Impaired Students - https://www.bestcolleges.com/resources/college-planning-with-psychiatric-disabilities/

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience working with children, teenagers and college students.  For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work and private practice visit one of his web sites www.RubinoCounseling.com or www.rcs-ca.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.     

The Super Bowel and Domestic Violence

For many people Super Bowel Sunday is a day of fun. However, for many it is a day of terror due to Domestic Violence. Learn about how the two events are related. However there is help available. Facts about Super Bowel Sunday & Domestic Violence https://patch.com/california/pleasanthill/facts-super-bowel-sunday-domestic-violence

Teaching Children to be Grateful for Daily Gifts

The Holidays are here and many people, especially parents, are worrying about what gifts to buy people. However, you do not always need to buy a gift to show that you care for someone.

Gratitude is an important lesson and gift for children. What some parents may want to do is instead of buying your child a large number of gifts is to teach them about gratitude. In the United States, we have many children who are homeless and hungry. Yes, in the United States, we do have homeless children. We also have many children who have more toys than they need and are unaware that there are children who are homeless. Therefore, at this time of year, take your child to the store and use some of the money you would have used to buy them gifts and have your child buy gifts for a homeless child. While doing this teach your child about the fact that there are others in need and to appreciate what they have in their lives. Also that giving can be more important than receiving.

Furthermore, I read an article by Joshua Becker and he listed gifts that parents give to their children every day and that children usually do not forget these gifts. I think it is important for parents to remember the daily priceless gifts we give children daily. Especially during this time of year,

Here are some of Joshua Becker’s thoughts. I have countless holiday memories. Very few childhood memories actually include the gifts I received. I distinctly remember the year that I got a blue dirt bike, the evening my brother and I received a Nintendo, and opening socks every year from my grandparents. But other than that, my gift-receiving memories are pretty sparse. Which got me thinking… what type of gifts can we give to our children that they will never forget? What gifts will truly impact their lives and change them forever?

To that end, here is an alphabetical list.

35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget:

1. Affirmation. Sometimes one simple word of affirmation can change an entire life. So make sure your children know how much you appreciate them. And then, remind them every chance you get.

2. Art. With the advent of the Internet, everyone who wants to create… can. The world just needs more people who want to…

3. Challenge. Encourage your child to dream big dreams. In turn, they will accomplish more than they thought possible… and probably even more than you thought possible.

4. Compassion/Justice. Life isn’t fair. It never will be – there are just too many variables. But when a wrong has been committed or a playing field can be leveled, I want my child to be active in helping to level it.

5. Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are.

6. Curiosity. Teach your children to ask questions about who, what, where, how, why, and why not. “Stop asking so many questions” are words that should never leave a parents’ mouth.

7. Determination. One of the greatest determining factors in one’s success is the size of their will. How can you help grow your child’s today?

8. Discipline. Children need to learn everything from the ground-up including appropriate behaviors, how to get along with others, how to get results, and how to achieve their dreams. Discipline should not be avoided or withheld. Instead, it should be consistent and positive.

9. Encouragement. Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. The simple words that you choose to speak today can offer encouragement and positive thoughts to another child. Or your words can send them further into despair. So choose them carefully.

10. Faithfulness to your Spouse. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Your children will absolutely take notice.

11. Finding Beauty. Help your children find beauty in everything they see… and in everyone they meet.

12. Generosity. Teach your children to be generous with your stuff so that they will become generous with theirs.

13. Honesty/Integrity. Children who learn the value and importance of honesty at a young age have a far greater opportunity to become honest adults. And honest adults who deal truthfully with others tend to feel better about themselves, enjoy their lives more, and sleep better at night.

14. Hope. Hope is knowing and believing that things will get better and improve. It creates strength, endurance, and resolve. And in the desperately difficult times of life, it calls us to press onward.

15. Hugs and Kisses. I once heard the story of a man who told his 7-year old son that he had grown too old for kisses. I tear up every time I think of it. Know that your children are never too old to receive physical affirmation of your love for them.

16. Imagination. If we’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that life is changing faster and faster with every passing day. The world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And the people with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.

17. Intentionality. I believe strongly in intentional living and intentional parenting. Slow down, consider who you are, where you are going, and how to get there. And do the same for each of your children.

18. Your Lap. It’s the best place in the entire world for a book, story, or conversation. And it’s been right in front of you the whole time.

19. Lifelong Learning. A passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please teachers. It begins in the home. So read, ask questions, analyze, and expose. In other words, learn to love learning yourself.

20. Love. …but the greatest of these is love.

21. Meals Together. Meals provide unparalleled opportunity for relationship, the likes of which can not be found anywhere else. So much so, that a family that does not eat together does not grow together.

22. Nature. Children who learn to appreciate the world around them take care of the world around them. As a parent, I am frequently asking my kids to keep their rooms inside the house neat, clean, and orderly. Shouldn’t we also be teaching them to keep their world outside neat, clean, and orderly?

23. Opportunity. Kids need opportunities to experience new things so they can find out what they enjoy and what they are good at. And contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t have to require much money.

24. Optimism. Pessimists don’t change the world. Optimists do.

25. Peace. On a worldwide scale, you may think this is out of our hands. But in relation to the people around you, this is completely within your hands… and that’s a darn good place to start.

26. Pride. Celebrate the little things in life. After all, it is the little accomplishments in life that become the big accomplishments.

27. Room to Make mistakes. Kids are kids. That’s what makes them so much fun… and so desperately in need of your patience. Give them room to experiment, explore, and make mistakes.

28. Self-Esteem. People who learn to value themselves are more likely to have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. As a result, they are more likely to become adults who respect their values and stick to them… even when no one else is.

29. Sense of Humor. Laugh with your children everyday… for your sake and theirs.

30. Spirituality. Faith elevates our view of the universe, our world, and our lives. We would be wise to instill into our kids that they are more than just flesh and blood taking up space. They are also made of mind, heart, soul, and will. And decisions in their life should be based on more than just what everyone else with flesh and blood is doing.

31. Stability. A stable home becomes the foundation on which children build the rest of their lives. They need to know their place in the family, who they can trust, and who is going to be there for them. Don’t keep changing those things.

32. Time. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get back or take back. So think carefully about who (or what) is getting yours.

33. Undivided Attention. Maybe this imagery will be helpful: Disconnect to Connect.

34. Uniqueness. What makes us different is what makes us special. Uniqueness should not be hidden. It should be proudly displayed for all the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.

35. A Welcoming Home. To know that you can always come home is among the sweetest and most life-giving assurances in all the world. Is your home breathing life into your child?

Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at your local department store. But, I think that’s the point.

Dr. Michael Rubino has 20 years experience working with teens and their parents. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work and his private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3. 

Mental Heakth Issues and the Holidays

For many people the Holidays can be a stressful time.  For some people there is the stress of not having enough money.  For others, they lost a loved one this year and this is the first Holiday without their loved one. For others, there are family issues that make this a difficult time of the year. Finally, for people with mental health issues, the Holidays can be a very difficult time.

For people with mental health issues the Holidays can be difficult for many reasons.  They may be dealing with family issues, financial issues or not feeling happy.  Not feeling happy can be difficult because everyone is supposed to be happy during the Holidays.  At least this is what we are told by society.  Also some people with mental health issues may find the Holidays difficult because their condition is not stabilized yet or the Holidays can be a trigger for their mental health issues.  I see this with the patients I work with who are Bipolar or patients who are dealing with eating disorders.  Just to name a couple of mental health issues that are triggered by the Holidays.

People who are suffering with mental health issues that are triggered by the Holidays need support and understanding. You cannot just tell them to pull it together or to take a pill.  It is not that easy for them.  If it was, they would automatically take those steps on their own to solve the situation.

There are some things that people with mental health issues can do that may help them.  Dr. Pooky Knightsman, who deals with her own mental health issues, describes some of these options in her video.  I have included a link to it so you can watch it.  If you have a loved one who has mental health issues, please watch this video and may be you and suggest some of these ideas to your loved one.  If they work that would be fantastic for the person coping with mental health issues.  If they do not work, please understand the person is not having issues on purpose.  If you love them you need to be patient and understanding and help them through this difficult time.  Here is the link to Dr. Knightsman YouTube video https://youtu.be/ch5JLIYyPtU.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with 20 years experience treating children and teenagers many of them are Bipolar.  For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or his private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com.

The Teenage Suicide Epidemic

Suicide is at an epidemic rate in the United States.  According to the CDC it is the third leading cause of death for children between the ages of 10 to 18 years old.  Using a gun in the third most common method of suicide in the United States.  For boys it is the most common way to attempt suicide (CDC).  For many people this may not be surprising.  However, it is time that we seriously try to prevent children from attempting suicide and eliminate this epidemic.

The problem with eliminating this epidemic is the access to mental health care and the stigma society places on mental health care.  As a psychotherapist who treats suicidal teenagers, I have run into numerous difficulties with insurance companies when I have a suicidal teenager or child.  Many insurance companies will only allow the child to be seen once a week.  If the child is acutely suicidal, they usually need to be seen twice a week.  Many parents can barely afford their copayments and cannot pay for an additional session on their own.  This places a great deal of stress on the parents and places the child in danger.

Some people will say the teen should then be hospitalized.  This is not an easy answer either.  There are not many pediatric or adolescent inpatient psychiatric units in our area.  I have had numerous situations where a child or teen may spend over 48 hours in an emergency room because there are no inpatient beds at any of the psychiatric units.  In fact, one Thanksgiving I had a mother page me and I had never seen her son before.  He was suicidal, but the hospital said they had no beds and gave her my number to call and told her she had to leave the hospital.

If a teenager is hospitalized, often they are only allowed to stay 72 hours and then discharged home.  They have to be discharged because the insurance will not authorize more time.  It doesn’t matter what the psychiatrist on the inpatient unit recommends.  The insurance makes their own decision based on the treatment guidelines.  Again this places the child in danger and creates a great deal of stress on the family.  Often parents give up and accept the insurance companies decisions.  It is too much dealing with a child who wants to die and getting the run around by your health insurance that you have been paying high premiums to for years.  Additionally, many times the child or teen is discharged back into my care but I am never notified by the insurance company or hospital and the insurance company does not want my opinion, but they discharge the teen to me for psychotherapy treatment and to monitor.

In addition to the access to mental health care there is the negative stigma associated with it.  Many parents wait a few weeks before bringing their teenager to be assessed for suicidal thoughts.  They do not wait because they are bad parents, they wait due to the shame.  If there child is diagnosed as depressed they are afraid about how people will react to their child and them.  In fact, if a child is out of school due to being hospitalized for being suicidal, we instruct the school administrators to tell the staff the teen was out due to appendicitis or a death in the family.  They are afraid if teachers or students find out the teen was suicidal that people will think the teen is crazy and not want to associate with the teenager.  This may sound bizarre, but it’s true.  Most patients schedule their psychotherapy appointments at times when no one will notice they are gone and try to come into the office without anyone seeing them.  Our society has a very strong negative stigma about mental health.  Many people with mental health issues have difficulty making friends, finding jobs or just being treated as a normal person, if others know they have mental health issues.  This stigma is causing many people not to seek help.  As a result, many teens due commit suicide because they kept their feelings a secret.  They did not want to be labeled a “freak.”  However, this stigma is ruining the lives of many children and teenagers and destroying numerous families.

Mental health care is no different from physical health care.  No one is ashamed of being diabetic so why should a teen have to be ashamed of having depression?  We must demand that insurance companies treat physical and mental health care the same.  Additionally, our society needs to treat them the same and not be afraid of someone who is depressed or embarrassed if you are diagnosed with depression.

Finally, the last issue I want to address is the method many teenagers use.  Many teenage boys use guns because they believe no one can stop them and it is guaranteed to work.  However, this is a myth.  Guns have a strong kick to them when fired and often move slightly.  Many teenage boys try to commit suicide with a gun and instead of committing suicide, they shot their face off.  Instead of dying they end up in ICU in worse condition having to undergo numerous surgeries and being scared for life. This is one reason why we need sane gun laws.  We have laws about how old you have to be to drive or smoke.  We also have laws mandating that we must where seat belts.  We have these laws because research has shown they make us safer.  These laws have not restricted our freedom so sane gun laws will not restrain our freedom.

The ABC News show 20/20 did a story about a young man who was depressed and finally attempted suicide with a gun.  It goes into all the difficulties he faced when the gun moved. He was fortunate because he was eligible for one of the first face transplants.  However, this story shows the destruction that occurs when they use a gun as their method of suicide and it fails.  Please watch and see what this young man and his family must undergo.  While watching the after effects of this failed suicide attempt, think about how senseless it is the millions of teens and families undergo this situation when it could have been prevented if they were not ashamed and had easy access to mental health care. Please watch this show,  26-year-old's incredible face transplant journey: 'I see me' - ABC News - https://abcn.ws/2OLXuL5 via @ABC.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating teenagers and children.  He is an expert at treating suicidal children and teenagers.  For more information about his work or private practice or if there is an issue you would like him to address visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3. 

Why Parents Cannot Be Their Teenager’s Friend

Many parents worry because their teenager talk more to their friends than to them.  Often many parents feel like a failure because their teenager is spending more time with friends than them.  This subject is one I hear daily in my office.  Parents are concerned that if their teen is spending too much time with friends, then if their teen is involved with drugs or other issues, they will find out too late.  Unfortunately, many parents tell me they have decided that, “”I am going to be my teenager’s best friend” as a way prevent these problems.

Wrong!! You do not want to be your teen’s friend.  You need to be your teen’s parent.  Your teen has enough friends. Your teen doesn’t need another friend, they need a parent.  They need someone to educate them about life and how to make decisions.

Remember, as a parent it is your responsibility to help guide your teen to be successful as an adult and in life as a productive member of society.  This means at times you will have to set firm boundaries, educate them about life and sometimes tell your teen no.  It is important to remember being a parent is not a popularity contest. You must set appropriate limits for your teen which means at times they will be mad at you.  It is okay if they are mad at you.  This is part of the process a teenager experiences as they are maturing into an adult.

Despite what they say, most teens want and like boundaries.  At times they can be very helpful to your teen. They may be faced with a great deal of peer pressure to do something that they do not want to do and they can use you as the excuse why they cannot do it.  Some may say this is immature because the teen is using their parent as an excuse, but we put our teens in a very, very difficult world so I think they are allowed some extra help now and then.

Another reason why should you not be your teen’s friend because your word and rules will mean nothing to your teen, if you are their friend.  A friend is defined as a close associate.  In other words, teenagers see their friends as equals.   Now think about what this implies, if you are equals, you are on the same level as your teen.  Therefore, they think they know as much as you do and since you are equals they can choose to follow your rules or ignore them as they see fit.

I run into this problem daily in my office.  A parent will say “we have always been best friends, I talk to my teen and their friends about everything and we have good times together hanging out.  I don’t understand why they disregard my authority as their parent.”

The answer is simple: you eliminated your authority as the parent and made yourself an equal as a friend. If you want your teen to respect your authority as the parent, you must remain the parent and not be the friend.

Consider the decisions these teens have to make every day. They are faced with issues regarding alcohol, drugs, sex, gangs and decisions about careers in their future.  Teens live in a very difficult and complex world today.  They need parents to help set appropriate boundaries and guide them so they make the best choices for themselves and avoid a great deal of trouble.  You can only do this as a parent. Remember, as a parent you are not in a popularity contest. You have a responsibility to help guide your teen.  If you want to help them survive high school then be the parent and make the tough, unpopular decisions that are in your child’s best interest. This will help your teen to respect you and the rules you made earlier you can enforce.  If you set yourself as friend and equal, your teen loses respect for you, your advice and your rules. You find yourself powerless and you leave your teen on their own to decide what is appropriate behavior.

This is a difficult time for you and your teenager, but if you maintain your role as parent and your teen maintains their role as child you both will survive high school easier.  Of course there will be difficult moments, but nowhere near as difficult if you blur the relationship boundaries.

Dr Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience working with teenagers and their parents. He is well respected in the community. To learn more about his work or private practice, visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com. You can also email him from this website, if you have questions.