How Texting Impacts Teenagers

In today's world texting has become a very common way for people to communicate with each other.  If I go to a baseball game or the theater, I see adults texting the entire time.  I have even seen people fired via text.  We now have a President who makes major announcements via Twitter.  His actions make teenagers feel Texting is normal.  While it is becoming very common with adults, it is even more common with teenagers.  The teenagers I see for psychotherapy text all the time.  It appears that texting is now the preferred way that teenagers communicate with each other.  If you remove their cellphones and they cannot text, many teens become very upset and I have seen many become violent.

While technology is advancing at a fast pace, our laws and ethics are having a difficult time keeping up with the latest advances.  However, when laws are passed or ethical standards set, many teenagers and adults are not aware of the new laws.  This is creating a tremendous problem for teenagers and their families.  I have worked with many teenagers who are struggling with an issue due to texting and they had no idea they were doing anything inappropriate.

First, it is important to note that any time you post something, tweet or text, it is on the internet forever.  This is why many celebrities have won very large monetary judgements against people who have posted false or embarrassing material.  You can remove it from the site it was posted to, but it still can found on other sites.  Therefore, if a teenager post something, they need to think about the fact that it will be out there forever and anyone can see it.  This may lead to embarrassing situations.

Let's consider the most common problems that teenagers encounter.  The first one is texting sexually explicit photographs to their boyfriend/girlfriend.  At the time they think it is no big deal.  However, high school romances typically do not last.  If one of the individuals feels hurt, they can post that sexually explicit picture all over the Internet.  It can be sent to their families and friends.  In fact, their entire school could see it.  This would be extremely embarrassing.  Even if the person who posted the picture is punished, the picture is still out there and the damage is done.

Additionally, teenagers fail to think about the fact that they are under 18 years old.  Therefore, they could be violating child pornography laws by sending the picture or by receiving it and having a copy on their cellphone.  In fact, Congress is trying to pass stricter laws regarding teenagers texting sexually explicit picture.  Therefore, besides being very embarrassed, the teenagers involved might find themselves facing legal charges for violating child pornography laws.

The second major issue is harassment.  Friends get mad at each other or often one teenager is singled out and they become the object of numerous texts telling them they are ugly, no one likes them etc.  These texts can be sent so often and by some many other teenagers that the teen who is the target commits suicide.  There are numerous examples of this and a common one is accusing a teenager of being gay.  This is not harmless teenage game playing.  This harassment can be vicious.  They are also cases where the teenagers sending these texts have been charged with stalking or more serious charges if the teenager committed suicide.

When this occurs, the teenagers are shocked.  They think they were just teasing another kid and it was harmless.  They have no idea what this teenager is already dealing with in their life or what it can be like to have numerous classmates texting you every day all day long.  It is not harmless teasing, but because technology has increased so quickly it is not the same teasing that use to occur at school.  We have not had enough time to think about this point.

Another major issue is that texting is an excellent way for schools or police to arrest teenagers for dealing drugs, buying or using drugs.  I have worked with many teenagers from numerous schools where the school catches someone using or selling marijuana on school grounds.  The school then checks the student's cellphone and looks at the text history.  The school then starts calling in the student's on the text history and asking about drug use or selling.  One teenager getting caught at school can result in ten teenagers being expelled.  The teenagers are usually in shock.  First, they never thought they were doing anything wrong and they never thought a text could get them in trouble.  However, it can and it does.  I have seen many teenagers for psychotherapy because of a text found by the school.

Finally, new research is showing that texting is increasing the rate of depression in teenagers. Texting creates more access in some ways, however, it is isolating too.  When you text you lose the personal interaction which is very important.  People do need personal interaction for their mental health.  When teenagers text they miss out on the personal interaction. This can and does at times lead to a lonely feeling.  If a teenager is already having a hard time and then they experience of feeling isolated too, this can lead to depression.  Research is showing an increase in teenage depression and I am seeing an increase in the number of teenagers I am seeing for depression.  Therefore, we need to take a closer look at teenagers and texting.

Parents, we see adults getting into trouble due to texts they have sent, what makes us think that teenagers can't get into trouble too?  Remember they are not grown adults yet, so their ability to think logically as an adult is not fully developed.  Even if it was, technology is moving so fast that adults are getting into trouble due to the rapid change in our lives due to technology.  Therefore, we cannot expect teenagers to be able to sort all of this out on their own. Talk to your teen about texting, you may need to monitor their texting.  There are apps that can help teenagers identify texts that may be inappropriate.  Bottom line teenagers need to support and guidance from their parents regarding the ever evolving technology that we are facing.  If we cannot keep up with the ethical issues, how can a teenager?

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with 20 years of experience working with children and teenagers. He also treats Internet addiction.  For more information on Dr. Rubino's work or his private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.  

New Infornation about Head Injuries and High School Sports

Schools are back in session and many high school students are either trying out or getting ready for try outs for their sport.  Parents are learning that "basic" Concussions in teenagers are more common than people think and can create more problems that people think.  A concussion can cause physical impairment such as not being able to walk or emotional issues such as a teenager suddenly having anger problems or depression.

Many teenagers develop Post Concussion Syndrome after a concussion.  Teenagers can have violent mood swings, difficulties concentrating and with memory. This can cause problems at school and with family and friends. I have seen teenagers who get so depressed by these changes that they become suicidal. Post Concussion Syndrome can last a year and often physicians do not warn parents or teenagers about this syndrome.  This makes matters worse because they feel like they are crazy because they don't understand why they have the symptoms.  Also these symptoms can create problems at school that the student may need accommodations for in order for the student to understand the classes.

We have been hearing more and more about concussion in professional sports in recent years.  We have also seen professional athletes walk away from their careers because they are not willing to risk the after effects of multiple concussions.  A fact that some in professional sports do not want to be publicized.  Will Smith stared in a movie regarding a professional football player and how his life significantly changed after several concussions.  The National Football League tried to stop this movie from being made and shown, but they lost.

However, we do have examples. Mohammad Ali is the most notable example of how multiple concussions can change a person and leave them disabled.  Also a news anchor for ABC News documented how his life changed after receiving a traumatic brain injury while covering the war in Afghanistan.  

Concussions and Traumatic Brain Injuries also occur in teenagers.  Teen athletes such as football players routinely suffer concussions.  Many of these athletes suffer permanent brain damage such as difficulty remembering things or emotional issues such as mood swings.  Also a number of high school athletes do die from concussions every year.

A new research study from Boston University released this week shows that boys who play football before the age of 12 years old are more likely to have memory problems and problems making decisions as adults.  This study also shows that boys who play football before age 12 are three times more likely to develop clinical depression as an adult.  The study suggests the reason this occurs is because around the age of 12, a child’s brain is undergoing a great deal of development at this age.   Robert Stern, one of the authors of the study, explained that “the brain is going through this incredible time of growth between the years of 10 and 12, and if you subject that developing brain to repetitive head impacts, it may cause problems later in life.”

Another MRI study, by the Wakes Forest School of Medicine, conducted last year showed that boys between the ages of 8 years old to 13 years old who played even just one season of football showed signs of diminished brain function.

High school athletes are not the only teenagers at risk for concussions. Teens in general are at risk because teens are willing to engage in risky behavior such as jumping off something or racing cars.  Many teens feel they are safe.  They hear about these issues but think it would never happen to them.  However we never know who it will happen to.  Therefore, parents you need to educate and monitor your teenager's behavior.  If you have a teen athlete, you may need to make the decision to stop them from playing a sport if they have suffered a couple concussions.  This is not easy but you must think of their lives after high school.

Also boys are not the only ones at risk for concussions.  Girls are at risk for concussions too.  In fact, some studies show that cheerleaders are at a higher risk of getting a concussion than foot players.  Cheerleaders do not use helmets and have no head protection.  Also many people assume a child needs to be knocked out in order to sustain a concussion.  This is not true.  You can sustain a concussion without losing consciousness.  So football players are not the only one at risks.  Any high school athlete is at risk - boy or girl.  Anything that causes a jarring of the head can cause a concussion.  Our brain sits in fluid in our skull.  Therefore any jarring force can cause the brain to hit the side of the skull and cause a concussion.  This is why all high school athletes are at risk for concussions. 

I have included a link to a YouTube video where a physician describes the basic information about what happens to a brain during a concussion and the process of recovery from a concussion.  This is a must see for any parent https://youtu.be/zCCD52Pty4A.

In addition to this video I have included a fact sheet from the CDC regarding information about concussions for you to review http://www.cdc.gov/headsup/pdfs/schools/tbi_factsheets_parents-508-a.pdf.

I have also included this link from the CDC which helps parents, coaches and schools https://www.cdc.gov/headsup/

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience working with teenagers and their families.  For more information on Dr. Rubino or his work please visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or follow him on Twitter @RubinoTherapy.    

October is Bully Awareness Month

Many kids, despite what they say, really enjoy school. They like seeing their friends, their teachers and learning. However, some kids are not as excited and even worried about going to school.  Many of these kids have been bullied and they are afraid of being bullied again this year.  October is National Bully Awareness month and these article will provide you information you need to protect your child from being bullied.  Hopefully, we may even be able to stop it.

Often when a child is being bullied they do not say anything to their parents until the bullying is really bad. They are afraid, especially boys, that you will see them as weak.  They are also afraid that you will be disappointed in them for not defending themselves.  Parents you have not said anything or done anything to create this feeling in your child.  Our society teaches children these messages, especially boys. Children receive these messages from television, music, video games about being strong and defending yourself.  This is what the documentary "The Mask You Live In", is trying to address.  It is on Netflix and it might be helpful if you watch it.

It is very important to take bullying very seriously these days.  It is no longer just one kid calling another kid names.  The bullying today occurs at school and may include threats of being killed and it goes beyond school.  Now bullies can continue their bullying via text messages, emails, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat.  So the bullying becomes non-stop.  It can really make someone feel worthless and that they would be better off dead. We have an example of this from a 13 year old boy, on the east coast, who committed suicide because he could not tolerate the bullying any longer.  The boy committed suicide to escape the bullying.  He is not the first child to commit suicide due to bullying.  One 15 year old girl committed suicide due to bullying and she left a note to be placed in her obituary.  In the note she asked kids to be kind to each other.  Some kids are turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and we are seeing a significant number of accidental overdosages resulting in teenagers’ deaths.  We assume they were accidents, they could also be suicides staged to look like accidents.

Bullying is not just an elementary school issue. It occurs in High School and College too. Remember a few years back a college student committed suicide because his roommate secretly filmed him in his dorm room with another guy having sex. When the tape was posted on the college’s email for others to see, the boy was so ashamed because he had not made it publicly known that he was gay. He did not know what to do and ended up committing suicide.

As the rates for bullying, suicide and drug use increase with kids in middle school and now beginning in Elementary school, we must take this issue seriously.  I know it is now a very serious problem in Elementary schools because the third leading cause of death for 10 year old children is suicide according to the CDC statistics.

Also a common problem I see elementary children for in psychotherapy is bullying.  Many of these children are embarrassed because they feel they should be able to stop the bullying.  They are also embarrassed and often don't want me to tell their parents because they believe they must of done something to deserve being bullied.  I explain to them they do not deserve it and they should not have to stop it on their own. I also explain that their parents would want to know so they can help them.  I need to emphasize that Mom and Dad won't blame you or be ashamed of you.  It is amazing to see how relaxed these children become when I tell them this about their parents.

What should a parent do?  One thing is parents should watch for the following warning signs that your child is a victim of a bully:

Avoiding activities they used to enjoy

Loss of friends or avoiding social situations

Problems sleeping

Complaining of stomachaches or headaches

Loss of appetite

Declining grades

Missing or damaged clothing or belongings

Self-destructive behaviors like running away from home

If you notice any of these or just have a sense something is wrong then talk to your child.  However, when you talk to your child reassure them they did nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with them and you are not upset or disappointed with them.  Try to develop a game plan of how you are going to deal with it together and ask how you can be supportive.  Also ask your child to promise you if they feel really sad like they want to hurt themselves that they will talk to you before they do anything.  You may think this is ridiculous, but I use a no suicide contract with many children that I work with and they honor it.  The contract lets them you know that you care about them.

The other thing you can do as a parent is go to your child's school and ask what is the school's policy on bullying.  You can also ask how the school watches for bullying, how is the policy enforced and what is being done to prevent bullying.  You may ask the school to contact or you can volunteer to contact a group such as Challenge Day.  This is an international organization that addresses bullying and they are located in Concord.  I have seen their work and it is fantastic and kids love it.

Another thing you can do as a parent is start talking to your child about bullying on an occasional basis.  This gives you a chance to let them know it's not their fault and to develop a plan of action if it does occur.  You should also discuss drugs and alcohol at the same time. I work with kids all day long and at times I am still shocked at how young kids are when they are starting to get involved with drugs and alcohol.

Keeping an open line of communication with your child is very important if you want them to come to you.  Research still indicates that children are more likely to turn to their friends when they have a problem.  This is good that they have this emotional support, but their friends don't have the answers or solutions that they need.  Remember it is best to speak to your child when you are in a calm environment and no one else, such as brothers or sisters, are around.  Also remember the word HALT.  It stands for:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

If you sense your child is experiencing any of these feelings it is not a good time to talk.  When you talk with your child you want it to be productive and for your child to feel like they are not being judged.  Therefore, sometimes it is better to put off a conversation so you don't end up in an argument. This is more likely to close the line of communication with your child.

I have mentioned several times that being bullied is not their fault.  What I have seen from working with children who are bullies, abusive men and reviewing the research is that bullies really have very low self-esteem.  In fact many times they lack a sense of themselves.  The only way the feel important or alive is by putting someone else down.  They do this because they are afraid the other kids might be able to figure out how lousy they feel about themselves.  It is often said the best defense is a good offense.  They hope that by acting like the big guy on campus that other people will see them as the big guy and they are able to keep their secret.  Kids usually do this because it was done to them too.

Therefore, we need to remember the bully is usually a kid who has been abused too and is crying out for help.  If we are going to stop the problem of bullying we need programs to help the bullies too.  They are only repeating what they have been taught.

One last comment, I saw a school install a “buddy bench.”  If anyone had been bullied, having a bad day, feeling lonely, all they had to do was sit on the buddy bench.  Another student or teacher would then go over and ask how they could help.  There was no shame associated if you sat on the buddy bench.  It was presented as a brave choice. The school was using it as part of their program to stop bullying at school. This fantastic idea came from a 10 year old student.  Children often have fantastic answers and we need to listen.

Dr. Michael Rubino specializes in working with children and teenagers. He has over 20 years experience working with children and teens especially those who are victims of trauma.  For more information about Dr. Rubino's work or private practice visit his website at www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page at Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Grandparents and Divorce

A divorce is always a stressful event for the entire family.  When it is a hostile divorce, meaning the parents will not talk to each other at all and fight over every little decision, it is especially stressful on the children.  As a psychotherapist, who specializes in working with children caught in hostile divorces, I hear the children complain about their parents fighting and wishing it would stop.

These children feel like they are in the middle of a civil war.  Often they feel they need to choose Mom’s side or Dad’s side.  At times this is how their parents’ fighting makes them feel and sometimes parents do push their children to choose a side.

The parents will tell the children about what Dad did or Mom did in order to get them to pick a side. What parents often forget, is this is a choice a child cannot make.  They love both their parents and want a relationship with both.  This type of pressure on children creates depression, anxiety and children who act out at school as a way to cope with their stress.

Unfortunately, this pressure does not always end with the parents.  Often grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins get involved.  They start pressuring the kids about what side they should take.  This creates even more stress for the children. When their grandparents are pressuring them, they start to doubt themselves.  They start to feel like they are doing something wrong by not choosing a side.

This pressured is intensified because usually both parents’ families are pressuring the children.  The children become overwhelmed, confused and angry very quickly.  First, there is no where for them to escape the pressures of the divorce.  Also every time they think they have a handle on the situation someone in the family is giving them new information or pressuring them to take a side.

When this occurs, I see children become less involved in the family and more involved with friends.  Also their grades tend to go down and they start to get into trouble at school.  This usually occurs because the child has come to the point where they do not care anymore.  They are tired of hearing their parents fight and they are tired of getting pressured by their grandparents.  They wish that someone would start to look at things from their point of view.

This is a very important point.  When a family is going through a divorce the parents and extended family need to consider how the kids are feeling.  Also they need to stop doing anything that makes the child feel like they have to take a side.

This means that parents do not discuss the divorce in front of the children.  Also neither parent says anything negative about the other parent when their children are around.  Finally, both parents tell their families not to discuss anything pertaining to the divorce when the children are around and they are not to say anything negative about the other parent.  If the families cannot abide by these guidelines, then parents need to restrict visits to the grandparents.  Furthermore, they can only see the grandparents when the parent is present so they can intervene, if the grandparents start saying negative things about Dad.  You are not punishing the grandparents, you are protecting your children.  Remember you can divorce your spouse, but you cannot change who your child’s mother is or father.  You can also not change that they are related to both families.

In summary, a divorce is a difficult, sad experience for everyone.  However, your children did not choose the divorce and are not getting divorced.  So as their parent, you need to do whatever you can to minimize the stress and to ensure they are able to maintain a relationship with both parents and their parent’s families.

Dr. Michael Rubino has 20 years experience working with teenagers and children as a psychotherapist.  For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or www.RubinoCounseling.com. 

Violent Toys and Online Games can be Dagerous For Children

Parents it's sad to say but in today's world toys can kill.  We would like to assume we still live in a world that is safe for our kids, where they can go outside to play and we know they will be safe. However, this is no longer the truth. The world has changed and kids are no longer just safe to go out and play.

One major change is the increase in violence in our society. Since the year 2000 there have been 160 mass shootings and there have been 56 in this year alone (ABC News).  Because of this law enforcement and people in general are more sensitive to guns and violence.

The problem for our children is a number of toy manufactures are making toy guns that look real.  There was one man selling toy assault weapons on the Internet and he had a waiting list for people wanting to buy these "toys" for their kids. We need to think about the toys kids are playing with.  If they are outside or at school playing with a "toy gun" that looks real they may end up getting killed.  Kids video games have become violent and many involve shooting and killing. If a police officer tells a little child to drop their gun, they may think it is a game and pretend to shot back. What happens, the child gets killed because they thought they were playing a game. One child gets killed by a gun every 30 minutes in the US (CDC). This rate is higher than the Middle East.

Video games and movies have become very violent. In the 1990's a movie received an R rating for swearing. Now those movies are PG. Movies that receive R ratings are very graphic violently and sexually.  Our kids feel this is normal life.  The children I work with are now only interested in watching movies and playing video games that are graphically violent with people getting killed. Remember children don't reason like adults. They can hit the reset button on a game and start over and everyone is a live.

In addition to movies and games becoming violent children today are being exposed to mass shootings all most daily. As a result, children are accepting violence as an everyday fact of life. I do an anger management group for teens. When the topic of caring knifes or guns come up most teens favor the idea. When I asked about being killed accidentally, they don't care.  Most of them feel there is such a big chance already that they could get stabbed or shot that they might as well protect themselves.

Teens are also using guns as an answer to their problems. We have seen news stories where teens have planned and murdered another kid because they did not like the other child.  For teens 10 to 24 suicide is the third leading cause of death and using a gun to commit suicide is one of the top three choices (CDC).

What does this mean to parents? It means when you are buying games, Holiday gifts or birthday gifts that parents need to think. It is important to pay attention to the rating and the age of your child. If you buy the video games rated mature which can deal with killing or raping, do you want your child exposed to these issues? Do not allow them to play with realistic toy guns without appropriate education especially teaching them never to point it at someone. A police officer may not have the time to determine if your teen has a toy gun or real gun.  Furthermore, monitor the movies they watch. Do not allow them to watch movies or television shows that glorify violence. Remember their brains are not totally mature yet, so they need their parents to think for them when it comes to violence.

When the US in ranked number one in kids being killed by guns and are children assume they have a good chance of being killed by a gun, and kids think a video game or movie is good only if there is killing, parents must act. Parents must try to re-educate our children. It's not too late. 

Dr Michael Rubino specializes in treating children and adolescents. He has 20 years experience working with teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

How Our World has Changed Since 9/11

Today is the 17th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.  These attacks changed our Country and the world our children now grow up in.  Anyone who is over 30 years old grew up in a world where there were good times and then there were bad times.  So people over 30 years old learned that life has ups and downs.  However, for anyone born in the year 2000 or later, this is not their experience of the world.

The majority of people who are under 30 years old have grown up in a world where there has been one tragedy after another.  People in this generation have experienced the tragedy of 9/11 attacks, the wars in Iran and Afghanistan, and hearing nightly on the news about terrorist  attacks and terrorist threats.

In addition to hearing about terrorist attacks around the world children growing up in the current  generation have also had to deal with mass shootings at schools, and shopping centers.  No one who is over 30 years old had to deal with mass school shootings throughout the country while they were growing up. Furthermore in addition to the violence that the current generation has had to endure they have also had to deal with the uncertain financial situation of our country.  Children in this generation have heard about the possibility of the economy collapsing and in addition many children in this generation have experienced their parents losing their jobs and as a result also losing their homes.  Our country has not experienced such a high rate of unemployment and homelessness since the Great Depression of 1929.

What has this done to our children?  From my experience as a psychotherapist who works with children and teens, I have seen a devastating impact on children growing up today.  Many of the children I work with carry knives with them.  They tell me they need the knives for protection.  Many of the kids I treat have told me, they don't know if they will live to be 30 because of today's violence.

I have also seen an increase an increase in depression.  With the violence children experience at school and when their family cannot afford housing or food, they see no hope for a future.  Yes in the United States, there are many children who are homeless and hungry.  In fact, the rate of homelessness and hunger for children is higher in the United States than some third world countries.

As a result, many children and teenagers are looking for an escape and they are finding ways.  The suicide rate in our country has increased every year. Children as young as 8 years old are committing suicide.  In addition to suicide, children and teenagers are turning to drugs.  We are not talking about marijuana, we are talking about meth, crack and heroin and new drugs such as Pink and Coco.  If you go on to any middle school campus in the United States today, you can find whatever drug you want.  As drug use has increased so have the number of children overdosing on drugs.  In the United States, approximately 125 kids overdose on drugs every day and the number is climbing.

In addition to these factors, gangs and crime among teenagers are on the rise. Why are they on the rise? The teens believe their fellow gang members will help protect them if someone tries to jump them. Since they have no faith in the economy, the only way to get what you need is to steal it.  They see no problem in what they are doing because they feel they are just living by the rules that the adults have established.

This is no way for a child to grow up.  They should not have to be afraid of being killed because of their religion, race or sexual orientation.  The feelings that I have described above cross all lines in our society. I have heard these feelings from white teens, African-American teens, Hispanic teens etc.  I have also heard these feelings from teenagers whose families are very well to do and those that are homeless.

In addition, many parents are alarmed at the violent video games that their teenagers are playing.  In my opinion, teens are turning to these games because they give teenagers a sense of control. In reality teenagers have very little control over what is happening in the world.  Also many now need to worry about being deported besides the violence they have to endure daily.  The video game is an escape and it provides them a sense of control over the violence.  In the games they are not the victims, they are in charge.

What do we do?  We need to take a good hard look at ourselves and our society and decide to work together to change.  Even with all this despair, I have seen teenagers pull together and do positive things with their lives and to help others.  There are still people who are willing to do acts of kindness for people they don't know.  We can change things but we must work together.  We cannot afford anyone who wants to move in a way to make us feel more alone and helpless.  Take a lesson from our teenagers, if we work together we can accomplish amazing changes.

I have seen acts of kindness and I see the out pouring of support for those in Texas and Florida.  There still is good in our world.  As the adults we need to band together and show the teenagers that things are not hopeless. We need to point out the positive and ask our teens to join us.

In the meantime, watch your children for signs of depression, anxiety or drug use and if you notice signs you are concerned about get your child assessed by a mental health clinician.

Dr. Michael Rubino is an expert at treating teenagers and children.  He has been treating teens and children for over 20 years for more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or follow him on Twitter @RubinoTherapy. 

What Schools Do Not Tell Parents about IEPs

It is the beginning of the school year and schools are starting to review and reassess children's IEPs (Individualized Educational Plan) or 504 plans.  I have been hearing from parents all over the country who are afraid about lies they are hearing at their child's school.  Many of these parents are panicked and overwhelmed.  They know their child needs help at school but they do not want to ruin their child's future.

The issue that parents are feeling confused about is should their child have an IEP or a 504 plan.  An IEP is for children who are having difficulty learning subjects in the classroom.  Not because they have low intelligence, because they have a different learning style. I have seen numerous parents and received numerous emails from parents stating their child's school has told them an IEP would mark their child for life as unintelligent  and possibly bankrupt the school district.  None of these remarks are true.

An IEP will not stop your child from getting into a college or getting a job.  Not having a decent education can stop your child from getting into college or getting a job.  Therefore, if your child needs an IEP and not a 504 Plan in order to benefit from their education, not having an IEP could stop your child from getting into college or a job because they failed to receive a proper education.  

Also think about when you applied for college or a job, did they ever ask for your middle school or elementary school records?  The answer is no.  Therefore, there is no way for a college or job to know if they ever had an IEP unless your child volunteers the information when they apply for college.  Once again, colleges and jobs never ask an applicant if they ever had an IEP.  Actually, an IEP can help students receive additional time taking the SAT and ACT and assist in college if they need it. So actually, it can help a child applying to college.

As for the idea that an IEP will bankrupt the school district, this is absurd. The school districts have plenty of money to provide children who need an IEP with an IEP.  A 504 plan costs the district nothing and if the district fails to comply with the 504 plan, you really have no legal recourse.  The IEP process is the same across the Country and if the school doesn't comply with the IEP, you have a number of options.

Parents please do not pay to have your child psychologically tested or undergo any educational testing by a private mental health clinician.  Legally, the school does not have to accept these tests results.  The school has the right to do all testing first.  If you disagree with the tests results you can contest the results and request that your child be re-evaluated by an independent clinician.  If you request an independent evaluation, you can select who does the testing and the school district must pay for the independent evaluation not you.

The only testing schools currently are not doing are assessments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).  Too many children were being diagnosed with ADHD and now these assessments need to be done by a mental health clinician in private practice.  These evaluations you do have to pay for.

Another issue I am receiving a large number of emails about is that the school is not doing anything.  Parents are saying they are hearing from the school that their child is distracted in the classroom and not doing well on tests or homework.  However, the school is not doing anything.  If you feel your child needs to be assessed, you need to submit a written letter requesting the evaluations to the principal.  Requesting it verbally does nothing.  Legally you must submit a written letter to start the time clock starting for the evaluations.

Parents before you panic or sign anything with the school district stop and think.  Look at the proposed plan and decide do you think this is really what your child needs or is the school bullying you into signing their proposed plan. If you have doubts, don't sign and seek a second opinion.  You are the one in charge.  The school district cannot do anything until you sign the agreement.  I have seen many parents made to feel guilty if they do not sign the school's plan.  You are not a bad parent, you are a cautious parent.  I have seen many schools doing what is best for them financially not what is best for your child.

For more information about IEPs and 504 plans visit the website www.lucascenter.org.

Dr. Michael Rubino has worked with children and families for over 20 years.  For more information about Dr. Michael Rubino's work or private practice visit his website www.rcs-ca.com

National Suicide Prevention Day

September 10th is National Suicide Prevention Day so here are some facts about suicide.  One issue that we need to address is suicide is a mental health issue for children and teenagers that often is ignored.  I hope the information in this article helps you understand the issue of suicide. To start off with, I have included an article where six people describe their suicidal feelings and the help they need http://linkis.com/huffingtonpost.co.uk/AlJc2

http://linkis.com/huffingtonpost.co.uk/AlJc2.

In today's society there has been a significant increase in depression, anxiety and suicide among teenagers and children. In fact, suicide is the third leading cause of death in children 10 to 18 years old. Yes 10 year old children are committing suicide daily.  The increase is significant     enough that Netflix is running a series about teenagers feeling suicidal.  The show is called 13 reasons why. The suicide rate for teenagers has been increasing yearly.  It is increasing faster in teenage girls and is considered an epidemic.  It is estimated 800,000 people a year commit suicide and approximately 25 times that attempt suicide (CDC).  Again, suicide remains the third leading cause of death for kids 10 to 18 years old and it rises every year (CDC).  

In my practice I am seeing more and more children and teens reporting they feel depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. One of the main reasons I hear for these feelings is that children feel a great deal of pressure to succeed in school. I have kids in 5th grade and 6th grade worrying about grades. Not because their parents will get mad because if they don't get As they wont get into a good college and won't get a good job and won't be able to afford a house.  They only feel like a success if they can make a lot of money.  They don't even consider how compassionate and caring many of them are and the good they offer our world. In their eyes, compassion is nothing if you are not driving a Mercedes.

This is a great deal for a 5th grader or 6th grader to worry about at their age.  It is also a terrible way for them to value theirselves.  This is how we create Bullies because compassion is looked at as a weakness.

I also see middle school students and high school students involved in several sports and other activities such as Boy Scouts. The kids are feeling pressured to do extracurricular activities not for fun but for their resume. They are again concerned about getting into a good college and being a success.  This pressure is not coming from parents either. It is pressure kids are now placing on themselves.

Recent studies are showing a correlation between lack of fun and time to relax with the increase in depression in children and teenagers. A study in Psychology Today discusses this issue. I have included the link so parents can read this study and think about it. Also so you can look at your children and talk with them. See if they are enjoying life or feeling overwhelmed because they need to succeed. Money pays the bills but doesn't guarantee happiness https://www.psychologytoday.co.

Many parents are not sure what to look for and do not want to over react.  If you notice these signs they are indicators that your teen may be feeling suicidal and needs to be assessed by a mental health clinician. The major warning signs are:

• Aggressive behavior

• Verbal outbursts

• Withdrawal from friends

• Writing or talking about suicide

• Dramatic mood swings

• Reckless behavior

• Refusal to engage in daily responsibilities

• Giving way personal items of worth such as jewelry or furniture

If you notice any of these signs don't be afraid to ask your  

teenager if they are feeling suicidal or thinking about suicide. 

Many people have the misconception that if you ask someone 

about suicide that you will cause them to think about suicide.  

This is not true.  By asking someone if they are feeling suicidal, 

you are letting them that it is safe for to talk about their feelings, 

including suicidal feeling.  If someone is feeling suicidal it 

is essential that they feel safe to talk about their feelings an 

thoughts.  Therefore, asking if  your teen if they are feeling 

suicidal will not hurt them, it can help them to talk and possibly 

save their life.

 I understand that the topic of suicide is scary and something our

 society denies and views it as there is something wrong with 

 anyone feeling suicidal.  But the truth is, it is a mental health

 issue and it is nothing to be ashamed of.  It is also an epidemic for

 teenagers.  If we want to prevent the number of suicides from

 rising and help teenagers who are currently feeling suicidal, 

 we must talk openly about suicide and seek mental health care for

 teenagers who are feeling suicidal.

Dr. Michael Rubino is an expert psychotherapist who works with children and teenagers for over 20 years. For more information about Dr. Rubino and his work visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com